At one time, my husband had a fairly large snow globe collection that we would unpack and display during the Christmas holidays. We would bring snow globes home from trips and often, one of his gifts at Christmas was a new globe. He had snow globes from the White House, our honeymoon in Colorado, Niagara Falls, and the cutest one with the Peanuts gang and Charlie Brown. (He was always partial to a kid with a round head and the last name Brown:)
From the time he was toddling, our oldest son was fascinated with the globes. As we all know, the only way you can experience the full effect of a snowglobe is to shake it, turn it upside down, then quickly set it upright again and marvel at the snow falling over the scene inside. And if it has a musical feature, then you have to twist the knob on the bottom simultaneously to the shaking! This is obviously no easy feat!
I remember that Christmas season well, carefully unpacking Dale’s snow globe collection while he was at work, the children gathered around me in awe. I told them the story of each globe - how old it was, what it meant to Daddy, where it came from and who gave it to him. I shook them, one by one, turned on the music and set them on the shelves where they would remain throughout the season. I then put the wrapping back in the boxes and moved on to the next tasks, the children hot on my heels…well, everyone but Reagan. So focused on my holiday decorating tasks, I didn’t notice that I hadn’t seen him in awhile, until I heard the sound of breaking glass. I rushed into the living room to see our sweet, curious, 3-year-old staring down at the Charlie Brown snow globe, broken on the floor, tears in his eyes.
Was this childishness or rebellion? Of course, it was childishness. Our son was only 3-years-old, he was curious and mesmerized by the snow globe collection and was making cognitive connections as to how it worked. He wasn’t strong enough to shake the globe and turn it around, his chubby toddler fingers tried to grasp the glass ball tightly, but slipped and the whole thing came crashing down on the floor.
The Bible, and specifically Solomon’s book of Proverbs, divides heart-motivated behaviors into two neat categories: Wisdom and Foolishness, the wise one or the fool. I like to think of it as a an equation:
Childishness + Rebellion = Foolishness
Childishness + Discipline = Childlikeness and Wisdom
Here’s just a sample of what Proverbs says about our heart-motivated behaviors:
“Fools despise wisdom and instruction” (Prov. 1:7)
“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” (Prov. 29:11)
“Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool,
but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.” (Prov. 28:26)
How do we parent in a way that cultivates wisdom as well as a spirit of childlikeness in our children? Through God’s wisdom, we practice discerning whether our child is exhibiting childish or rebellious behaviors. Remember, Childishness is the unintentional and non-malicious mistakes made in life. With children, it is often the result of a lack of knowledge or understanding. Your son or daughter does something wrong, but he/she didn’t know it was wrong. There was no intent to do wrong. Childishness can also be attributed to age and the lack of physical coordination. A four-year-old drips orange juice on the floor, because the glass was too full to carefully manage, or drops a plate while trying to help load the dishwasher.
Rebelliousness is when a child knowingly and intentionally chooses to act in defiance without regard to consequence or injury to self or others. The child knows that she is doing wrong, and continues anyway. This is referred to in scripture as, “Foolishness.”
Parents are to appropriately, not harshly or in anger, discipline, train, and steward childish behaviors, while nurturing the childlike qualities we see in our children.
Still not sure that you can recognize the difference between childishness and rebelliousness? When in doubt, extend grace, especially when you are frustrated and tempted to react in anger and impatience. Do not treat all wrongs the same way. That is neither fair to the child nor a wise way to parent. While wrongful acts of childishness and rebellion need correction, what separates the two realms is motive and intent. There is a difference between childish mistakes and purposeful disobedience. When assessing behaviors in need of correction, parents should ask themselves, “Was my child’s wrongful action born out of childishness or rebelliousness? What was the chief motivation?”
Underneath all of our thoughts, words and behaviors, influencing and shaping all of our relationships, is our chief motivation. Winston Smith, author of Marriage Matters, proposes that our motivations separate into two fundamental attitudes - either honor or manipulation. It is this very motivation that determines how we view those around us, either as a person made in God’s image and therefore worthy of honor, or as an object whose purpose is to meet our needs. We must ask God to reveal any rebelliousness and manipulative motivation in ourselves and our children, and cooperate with the Spirit to uproot it, nurturing once again a childlike faith.
(note: much of what I’ve shared in this section is adapted from an article from Well Watered Women, “Growing Childlike Faith,” by Linda Green, Nov. 30, 2023, www.wellwateredwomen.com/growing-childlike-faith/)
Blessings,
Gay B Brown